


Famous Flawless

by siriuspadss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:40:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 15,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuspadss/pseuds/siriuspadss
Summary: sirius black is famous and well known all around the globe, remus lupin is just another dumb, young adult who I guess you could say was quite the opposite. strange how they met, to be honest mate.orremus lupin finds out his multiple year long internet best friend is his life long sexy celebrity crush..and other antics.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings for major character death, violent scenes etc <3

look at him lils! he is gorgeous!" remus whined, flopping onto his bed with a dramatic sigh. his celebrity crush, the infamous sirius black, had just posted a picture on instagram - it was a sneak peak for his new video and he was at the beach.

"god i would pay anything to see his friend james potter shirtless though," lily said matter-of-factly.

james was also very well known, he was a model and sirius' best friend. they both had around ten million followers on social media and EVERYONE was pining over the two gorgeous boys. and they knew it.

remus loved absolutely everything about sirius. he knew everything to his favourite colour to the place where he was born in, paris in france. it was a gorgeous place, sirius suited the surroundings he thought.

remus did not have many friends apart from lily. just alice,marlene,dorcas and twins fabian and gideon.

but, he did have an internet friend. he did not know what he looked like, nor vice versa but they were very close and adored each other very much. but what was weird,was when remus asked him if he had instagram.

which he was sure he did. but, he had said no! like, it was 2020 who in their right mind did not have instagram? it was weird as hell sure but remus had been talking to this boy, padfoot he went by, for two years now.

yep, when he was fresh out of secondary school and entering college and now he was coming to the end of it, crazy right?

"come on rem! you'll be late for your shift!" lily yelled after a few minutes of peaceful mourning over sirius' deadly good looks and james potters' abbs.

"coming lils," he huffed and dragged himself over to the side of his bed, pulling on his red converse. they went well with his outfit, he was wearing blue skinny jeans and a black belt along with a jumper that was red, mustard yellow and dark blue.

he worked at a small local cafe a few blocks down so it was not exactly a long walk, although sometimes he did like to take the bus when he was feeling a little extra lazy that day.

he slung his yellow kanken bag over his shoulder and bed his goodbyes to lily, it was spitting rain a little bit but that did not seem to bother the sandy haired boy at all, he simply walked through it all.

and that was that.

-

sirius groaned, he had been stalking remus' instagram page again. he knew how much he loved him and he was a huge fan - but he could not simply just tell him 'hey we have been talking for two years but i am actually your million dollar valued celebrity crush and i knew all along' could he?

"james mate, i really need your help. im finally gonna tell remus who i really am," he sighed, he had wanted to do this for months now. he wanted to see his face, be with him and hug him and kiss him.

he was just scared that all the fame and fortune and paparazzi and hyperactive fans might scare him away. he was a genuine bloke and he liked him a lot. it was hi first ever pining experience. previously, he had always dated whoever he had wanted.

but now was different, he had to fight for it. and that was a battle worth fighting in. the battle for remus lupin's heart.

now, his videos were child friendly but at the same time he also did videos aimed at teens and young adults, it was mesmerising how he managed to relate to every age group so easily. and he loved what he did.

he did get fan mail and everything but he also got hate. maybe a message or a letter a month saying he was immature and a bad influence because he was openly gay, but it did not affect him or his work in the slightest.

"sirius mate..just tell him ok?" james sighed, flicking through his phone on the couch. he was sick of hearing about his ' gorgeous hazel eyes ' or ' golden, glistening skin' all the time.

and so, sirius did so.

padfoot  
so you really  
wanna know who  
i am?

rem  
well, i mean  
hell yeah!

padfoot  
alright. i will  
follow you on   
instagram right   
now.

remus SCREAMED when he received the notification. sirius black had just followed him on instagram. his mystery friend was his celebrity crush! immediately, he ran to lily. and she screamed as well.

rem  
NO FUCKING WAY

padfoot  
uh huh.

rem  
you're literally my  
celeb crush and have been   
for years!

padfoot  
i know, i see  
your posts. anyways,  
i was wondering if you  
wanted to go out for coffee  
tomorrow?

sirius bit his finger nails and pulling at his hair as he waited for remus to respond. he really hoped he had not pushed him away.

rem  
yes ofc!

padfoot  
great! ill meet  
you there at 1pm?  
beware of the paparazzi  
though. sorry in advance.

rem  
haha, they'll run  
away when they see me!

padfoot  
nooo!

rem  
yep! anyways, im  
literally freaking out  
rn.

padfoot  
haha, me too.  
ill see you then?

rem  
would not miss it  
for the world. night pads  
<3

padfoot  
gn rem, luv  
ya ! xo

rem  
you know i   
do too! xx

read.

okay okay okay, huge success! he was not exactly going on a date with remus but atleast he would get to meet him! he immediately posted about the good news on his twitter and instagram story.

" omg yall! going for coffee with my friend tmr! shh! @remusjlupin luv ya xx "

but what he did not expect, was ALL of his social media accounts to start getting follows,likes, comments and dms. and all of them were mostly compliments!

he went from 234 followers to 12,000 in not even an hour! jesus christ, sirius black you really were a questionable man. but no matter how much unwanted attention was put on him, he was not going to miss anything.

he decided to tweet.

" yes im the right person. yes i am going with sirius to have coffee tmr. and thanks for the nice comments owo " 

and then he literally had to put his phone on silent. he had not expected that many people to reply so fast!

*ping* a notification.

@jamespotterofficial followed you.

"HAHAHAH LILY JAMES POTTER FOLLOWED ME!" remus screeched from the room. to which lily came running, tripping over own feet and bounded over to his phone to see if it was true.

"remus lupin you manipulative bitch. you're lucky your cute," she huffed.


	2. Chapter 2

the next day, remus could not believe his eyes. he was internet famous! he was nearing on 100,000 followers and they were still coming in! what the actual fuck..why did people want to follow him? probably to just see more of sirius.

rem  
hey pads,  
have you fucking  
checked my follower  
count?

padfoot  
haha, yeah, welcome  
to fame baby.

rem  
im having an  
anxiety attack.  
they all think we're  
dating!

padfoot  
sadly not yet, but we  
will be soon! teehee.

rem  
of course, i just  
cannot resist a man  
who hides their identity  
my entire time knowing  
them.

padfoot  
still sorry about that  
:((((

rem  
its ok bud. anyways,  
see you later?

padfoot  
you know it!  
xoxo

remus sighed dreamily as he put his phone down. sirius was probably joking but he was still as lovesick as ever.

oh and by the way, don't think remus just now decided he loved him because he found out he was famous. he really found himself falling for the boy behind the screen, and although sirius was his celeb crush, he knew he would never meet him.

but now he did, he had all the more reasons to actually love sirius that extra bit more. and he hated it!

he always dropped hints but he probably knew a thousand people who he wanted to date! he just wish it was him. and only him.

little did he know, it was him who had his heart. and it had been from the very beginning. from their discussions, sirius knew remus had many insecurities, and he was determined to clear all of them some day.

anyways, back to remus and his lovesick pining. he was going to meet sirius for the very first time before and he could not wait!

they knew so much about each other already it was so surprising they had not known each other their entire lives. they had laughed,loved,cried and argued. and every time they argued, they would be worried sick they would just...disappear...without a trace.

and sirius vowed if that ever happened he would do anything to find him again, and he had told remus that himself.

he smiled at the memory. 

they had just had their first argument and had both apologised and got over it within the hour. heaven knows what it was about but they both felt extremely lost without talking to each other 24/7 so they decided to apologise and get it over with.

that's when they first told each other they loved one another, platonically of course. but neither could help but wish it was different.

they did not live far away, both lived in london and around the same local neighbourhood yet remus had never seen sirius around here before. maybe its just where he grew up.

but now they were finally meeting and he felt sick to his stomach. what would he even wear? god this was almost embarrassing! he should have planned this last night. he checked the time; 9AM. he had exactly 4 hours before sirius was picking him up.

he could not wait to see all his prissy teenage girl neighbours faces when sirius pulls up in his driveway and takes him out.

but now he thought of it, this kinda was a date wasn't it? i mean it was a classic coffee date, sirius was picking him up and not to mention the subtle flirting and if it was true links back to the fact he liked him.

but he was also scared, would they be attacked or mobbed or something? he was very very very nervous to say the least. he really did not want any attention put on him, if an opportunity like that came up anyways.

sure, he would love to be known but being mobbed wherever you go? that was a huge no no for remus' social anxiety that was for sure.

he could not see what people liked about having the hot seat every single waking moment of their life. like, how do they cope? everyone knowing everything about you and your life.

you most likely got no privacy at all!

he sighed and pulled on his clothes for the day anyways. he was wearing a floral button-up with black denim jeans. he wasn't going to wear anything fancy or out of the ordinary since this was just two friends going out.

remus made his way downstairs to start cooking some breakfast. he ALWAYS cooked as god forbid lily tried to cook anything. they were lucky the house had not burnt down already, it truly was a miracle.

whilst cooking, remus started taking in how this new found....friendship....could change his reputation. look, he really didn't care that sirius was famous - that didn't effect his feelings for him. sirius had always been remus' celebrity crush but when he realised sirius was the friend and sort of crush behind the screen it filled him with joy.

it was like, heaven i guess. even though he was sure sirius would never like him back, one could only dream right?

i mean, atleast he got to see him and talk to him regularly now, in real life! this was literally amazing! he grinned widely as he stirred his scrambled eggs in the pan. he was one of those people who were good cooks but cooked their meals until it was a whole 'fuck the food!' thing.

still, he managed to quickly recover his small portion of eggs (he wasn't an eater) and placed them on his plate.

he placed the plate down on the small coffee table that was in the kitchen and sat down and began eating calmly. he didn't really know what was going to happen. but he did know he really didn't want to mess things up.

at all.

if he did, god knows what would happen, he needed some reassurance. and he did get it, just not from who he had expected.

james  
hi remus! you  
may or may not  
know me but im  
sirius' friend james!  
you both seem pretty  
nervous about today  
so im just letting you know  
he really is a sweetheart.

remus  
hi james! i do  
in fact know you. and  
thanks for the reassurance,  
i really did need that.

james  
you seem like a  
wonderful person,  
maybe we'll talk soon?

remus  
ofc!

remus smiled down at his phone and looked back at his plate, it was nearly finished so he quickly shoved the last bite into his mouth before putting it in the sink to wash later. now all he had to do was wait.


	3. Chapter 3

the wait for sirius to arrive was very nerve racking actually. after all their texts and calls and facetimes remus still felt nervous, but to be honest, he knew he would be. the pair had talked about meeting before, them both living in the same area but actually doing it was so different.

he had never had any friends apart from lily. it felt wonderful to have a friend like sirius (and maybe more) that he could count on.

at times, remus felt like he had no one. and he knew that was in fact, not true, but the sandy haired boy could not help but have his own self doubts. he was a very insecure person and usually kept to himself.

he had met lily when he was about 7 and in primary school. ever since, they had been inseparable. they were the duo their whole year hated in school because they were so iconic and did not seem to have a care in the world about what was said about them. and the teachers didn't seem to mind either, they weren't the rowdy duo they were very intelligent and took to their learning very well but weren't stuck up or prudish either.

a few drizzles of rain started to patter down on the windows and remus already knew he would need to bring his raincoat otherwise he'd get a cold, but he didn't really care. that was sirius' whole character. reckless, passionate, brutal and unforgiving in a mesmerizing and quite attractive way.

remus didn't understand how someone could be so out there and extroverted. he was basically the complete opposite, in fact, he was.

but anyways, he was now waiting for said boy to arrive. he was also overthinking again, what if he didn't look good? what if he didn't fulfil the expectations sirius had for him? did he have any at all?

he took what seemed to be the fifth deep breathe in the last two minutes and again composed himself.

" erm so someone help me im a professional overthinker xoxo "

remus usually vent tweeted. he usually just tweeted what he felt in general when there was no one to tell. a few moments later he checked his phone again, he hadn't expected so many responses already.

@kingjpotter: sirius is overthinking meeting you too rem, you'll be fine xx

@jamesfanofficial: omgggg you must be going on a date !!!

@waitthatremusguyiscute: ur so adorable aAAAAAAA

@dorasboots: good luck remus!  
\- @remusjlupin : thanks dora xx

did people actually like him that much? they liked him more than he liked himself for christ sake. 

remus was never popular in school, he guessed that's why he grew up never really getting that much attention. this must be normal to sirius and james, yet him getting more than 150 likes on an instagram picture was above limits.

he was actually insecure about how little friends he had. but before he had time to overthink even more, he heard the stopping of an engine in the driveway and his eyes immediately widened. 

that was NOT the sound of motorbike. it most definitely was NOT. remus would just about die if it was, it couldn't be anyways.

but of course, he was wrong.

TEN MINUTES LATER..

[ insert image of his motorbike ]

remuslupin: HE WANTS TO PUT ME ON THIS FUCKING DEATH TRAP HELP I STG I HATE U <3 SJISJSJSJSNWUSJSJA @siriuslysexy   
liked by: siriuslysexy, kingjpotter and 12,738 mire  
just now.

comments:

@siriuslysexy: smh shutup you don't hate me and you liked the ride cause you got to hold me we all know babe <3  
\- @remusjlupin: STFU

@padfootsbiggestfan08: remus you should have been riding something else :((  
\- @remusjlupin: HELPPPP SJKSKSKSSK

@ameliakbrooks: he's so hot woah

@nymphy: USE PROTECTION <3  
\- @remusjlupin: dora i hate u

@wolfstarisreallmao: ah yes, my ship is beginning its sail

remus had gotten off the bike and over to the movie theatre where they were now going his cheeks were red and flushed (for more than one reason) and his hair was windswept. and he had to note, sirius looked damn good.

"right,you ready gorgeous? gotta hide though make sure no one sees me," sirius said smoothly, although adding a nervous laugh on the end.

"yeah...yeah im ready when you are," remus smiled gently, cheeks tinting red again and it looked down at the floor a little, he was too nervous he might mess something up or say the wrong thing.

"let's go inside then..also we're watching a horror," he said, now grinning at remus as they walked in together.

"i hate you."

"sure ya do," sirius said mockingly

"hmph," was all he got in reply.


	4. Chapter 4

the movie was great. scary, but great none the less. plus, he got to hold sirius' hand so that was a win for him. they shared a popcorn and had one of those iconic moments where their hands touch in the tub.

it was horribly clichè but remus would have not changed one bit for the entire world. he really had enjoyed himself, for the first time in a long time. and yea, it was as friends but remus loved it all the same.

"well..enjoyed yourself?" sirius asked,smirking as they left the cinema.

"more than you'd think actually...thanks.." remus smiled softly at him, they made their way to car park where sirius' motorbike was.

"best get you home then," sirius replied, taking his hand and guiding him on. he passed the only helmet he had to remus and told him to put it on and not to worry about him. quite the gentleman....well, as gentleman as a guy on a motorbike can get.

on the drive, no one really spoke. they just took in the serene atmosphere of the now evening. it was around 7pm. they had watched one film and the quickly movie hopped...but let's not mention that shall we?

lily  
rem! you  
left at like 2.   
where are ya babe?

remus  
dw, omw.

lily  
alright, you okay?  
how was it? should   
i put the kettle on?

remus  
yea pls, could do  
with a nice cuppa.  
and it was great, he was  
great.

lily  
didn't get mobbed?

remus  
you're starting to  
sound like my mum.   
m'fine.

lily  
okay babe,  
luv ya xo

remus  
more <3

remus then shut his phone off and quickly put it back in his pocket. it wasn't really smart to text whilst he only had one arm around sirius but he was alive so there was that. they were about ten minutes away from his house and so he decided to take a moment to look at sirius.

he loved sirius' character. he was sure he had admired it so many times before. he really couldn't get enough of him. he was intoxicating in the most beautiful and admirable way. remus didn't know how he managed to stay happy all the time.

but then again, he knew there were still many things he didn't know about sirius despite them knowing each other for quite a while now.

he knew his life at home was not the best and nor was his family but atleast now he was away from all that. he also knew how much he worried for his younger brother, regulus. he knew how much he cared for the young boy and how much regulus did not know about his own brother.

remus could tell there was much more to the story but preferred to wait until sirius was ready to tell him, if he ever was.

he would never even blink at the possibility of pressuring sirius into telling him, nor anyone for that matter. everything comes out with time, anyways. 

when they pulled up in the drive way of where remus and he lived, remus felt almost euphoric. so dazed and content, knowing a warm cup of tea and a calm down was waiting for him inside was a huge comfort.

"well...this is it," sirius said, smiling sheepishly.

"that it is. thank you, for everything you did. you're really sweet," remus grinned, laughing a little cautiously at the end, scared he would mess something up at the very end.

"anytime beautiful, ou revoir," he said, before pulling on the helmet, starting up the bike and speeding off out of sight once again.

remus felt giddy and a huge smile painted his scarred face. he allowed himself just this once to feel happy.

he walked inside, pulling off his shoes and quickly pulling a soft, baby blue sweater over his shirt and jeans. "hey lils!" he said happily.

"someone's in a good mood, here," she said, smiling and passing him a warm cup of tea. it must have been ready a couple minutes before. it was warm, but not burning your hands you have to put it down warm.

"you have to tell me everything!"

"okay, okay, calm yourself

sirius  
goodnight, ily

seen 22:23

remus grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what to say. Regret reading yet?


	5. Chapter 5

today was tuesday, a couple days after they had gone out. today, remus didn't have work and so he and lily decided to go out for coffee together. plus, despite them living togethe, he still had a lot to tell hee about what happened.

[ insert an image of coffees ]

remusjlupin: lils took this, anyways look at us being aesthetic :3 @lilyflower  
liked by: dorksass, siriuslysexy and 1,377 more

comments:

@siriuslysexy: have fun!  
\- @remusjlupin: will do! <3

@padfootsbiggestfan0: ugh whats with all the shippers :(   
sirius deserves someone soo much better than this whore.  
\- @siriuslysexy: excuse me? ur username is a lie woah

@jamespotteroffical: keep the red head goddess safe :(  
\- @lilyflower: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
\- @remusjlupin: SKKSKSKSKSKSKS SJJSJSJSJS

you see, it was small but comments like this actually really hurt remus. this was why he didn't really want any publicity. remus had never been confident, he had never remembered a time where he actually wanted to be here.

there were so many times where he was moments away from dying by his own actions, only to be saved at the last minute.

only lily really knew how fragile he was, only lily knew how easy it was to break him and how hard it was to build him back up again. remus had been through so much and she had promised that nothing else bad would ever happen to remus.

they were 13 when she said that, and she still kept her promise. yes, bad things had happened but life had got considerably better since she'd been there. they had known each other since babies but only at 13 he told her about how suicidal he was.

how many things he was hiding that he couldn't tell anyone else were shared between them. and each time remus thought that she would leave him, but she did not. she stayed and stayed and stayed and remus could not be more grateful.

on multiple occasions he could say that if she had not been there he would have died, and by multiple he meant over four times across the years.

[ insert image of a cute kitty]

lilyflower: look at my remus petting a cat. he is the loveliest person in the world and i stg i will dropkick anyone who thinks of hurting him (:   
liked by: @siriuslysexy and 67 more

comments:

@remusjlupin: <3  
\- @lilyflower <3

@siriuslysexy o-our remus?  
\- @lilyflower ugh fine 

@loveforremus remus doesn't deserve hate!   
i love him so much!  
\- @remusjlupin thank you, my dear  
\- @loveforremus HE REPLIED SHIT SKSKSKSK

remus smiled softly at his phone and put it down. but not even two minutes later, he received a notification. he sighed, thinking it was another hate comment - but it was in fact, sirius. a pleasant surprise.

sirius  
hey rem, i saw  
lilys post. you   
okay? i am really sorry  
about the comment. my   
fans can get a lil crazy

remus  
dont worry about  
me sirius, im fine haha

sirius  
you are the worst liar

remus  
am not! >:[

sirius  
are too >:]

remus  
urgh

sirius  
anyways, just   
checking in, ttyl! x  
read

sirius didn't know why being left on read hurt so much. besides, it was just remus? his friend? that's all.


	6. Chapter 6

lily knew something changed after remus had met sirius. you see, yes, remus was getting better from his bad past and he was genuinely and usually okay but recently..he had been happier. a lot happier.

and she was so so grateful for whatever spell sirius had cast because she hasn't seen remus this happy in ages. it was so beautiful to see, the boy had so much purpose he didn't understand. and yet, he never realised that so many people around him cared about him and would simply break if he left them.

that's why it was so important that remus felt wanted, if he didn't he would usually end up not talking to anyone and isolating himself in his room, lily would usually check up on him though to make sure he was not hurting himself.

but what with him and sirius talking more personally now he had revealed that hadn't happened as much. of course,it still did, that was expected, but it happened so less frequently. 

back when he and sirius started texting at around fifteen, sirius chose to keep his identity hidden, some days remus wouldn't text him at all in frustration of this. he never knew why. and she never knew why remus kept texting him, maybe it was because (apart from lily) he had no friends.

remus was bisexual and so was lily but he took an interest in guys, when he learned sirius was gay he had found someone to talk to properly about guys. the pair also shared the love for the same music type, the love for art and conspiracy theories and a lot more. they did get along pretty well.

right now, remus was at the local shop picking up water and a couple other essentials they'd need for tonight.

today remus had been a bit quieter and he had taken quite a long time just to get a few essentials down the road so she decided to text him.

lily  
rem, where r   
u? u okay bb?

remus  
yeah im fine. had  
a bit of a panic  
attack but WE MOVE XO

lily  
lmao okay. u  
sure tho?

remus  
yes love, i promise.

lily  
be home soon we can  
order Indian and watch  
disneyyyy im cold  
without u :(((((

remus  
urgh fine >:[

lily  
okay, luv u <333

remus  
ilyt <33

remus smiled down at his phone and turned it off, taking a deep breathe and walked up to the cashier to pay. 

the girl scanning his stuff looked young, probably just fresh out of secondary school really. he smiled softly at her and she smiled back, she had nice bubblegum pink hair he must say - her name tag read Nympahdora "Dora".

"good choice of milk. i can't stand the red lid and blue lid people, they're either karens or homophobes," the girl said, dora.

remus laughed softly, "well damn that's why i get the green topped milk," he blushed as he said so. she giggled and finished up putting his stuff through. she was actually quite nice if he was honest.

he paid and waved her goodbye, for once without a sickening feeling of anxiety bubbling in his chest.

it was strange how he felt like that. he didn't really talk to anyone but sirius without feeling ashamed or like he was wasting their time. even with lily he did, but this wasn't because of the same trust issue he had with everyone else.

the two had been friends for ages and he honestly could not see why she was still there. she had seen remus at his worst and at his best and yet nothing drew her from him. if anything, they grew closer by the day.

remus did trust lily, he just didn't trust himself.

but he was happy, and that was good enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have honestly no notes because I originally wrote this a couple months back on wattpad and I'm moving the entire thing on here in one night lmao


	7. Chapter 7

bellatrix black was an evil woman, and so were the people who raised her. not only her parents but her aunts, uncles, grandparents. basically everyone in the entire black family was the definition of pure evil.

everyone on their street knew it, pretty much everyone in london did. they also knew that they certainly did not treat the two boys living amongst them, the youngest of the family so far and even the next possible heir of their family fortune. and yet, nobody did a single thing to investigate or help.

bellatrix liked to make sirius' life hell, and sometimes even regulus' (his little brother) life hell too. you see, unlike the rest of them, the two young boys did not believe in the family's prejudice and horrible discriminating opinions. and everyone was aware of that too.

pushed into fame at the beginning by his parents, sirius actually now liked the support he received.

his main goal was to make every single one of his fans feel loved and valid within their own identity. this is what had angered the family. he had always been rebellious but this was on another level.

they wanted to disown him, truthfully, but they didn't want to let go of custody of sirius because his career was at it's peak already. he was getting a lot of money that they wanted to begin with and so they let the little things slide.

sirius never really mentioned them, not even in an interview. he usually just laughed and said they didn't like being a public family and everyone seemed to believe and accept that.

maybe that's why sirius chose to keep his identity hidden from remus. those two years when they met when he was 15 to now were the crucial parts of where he was. all in all, he didn't want to scare remus off with all the fame and fortune and obsessive fans he pretended to find funny.

remus had shared about his anxiety and knew telling him now he was one of the biggest growing celebrities out right now would had not done him a good job at all. they had argued about why he never did and it pained him to know it genuinely upset remus but it was all for a good cause.

remus was different. sirius was aware he was a fan (he quite enjoyed remus ranting about how perfect he was) but he was respectful and didn't just like him for his looks.

he liked the music he and james created, the youtube videos he made and so much more that he was sure nobody else could have listed.

he adored remus to say the least.

but, his family couldn't understand where this adoration came from. they knew he was talking to someone but they never found out who. 

they didn't want to interfere with his fame but at the same time they wanted to punish sirius for disobeying them.

back when sirius was a child, his parents physically abused him. they still did when they had the time to today, but not ad frequent or as bad. but his whole childhood was emotionally scarring and he was sure he'd never get over it. but now, they couldn't do that because the bruises and the scrapes would surely be noticeable. 

the blacks were a cruel family.

they hated sirius and that was a fact but there was a time where they did love him. back when he was very young. they still did things they shouldn't have but that was because they were strict parents, but they still loved him.

his family was very wealthy and he had been the next heir to the inheritance when his father would pass away. however, instead of disowning him like they had planned when they got too tried of him they had to simply wipe that right away.

they knew that if they disowned him it would bring too much attention to the media and they would receive too much criticism and questions.

and so, there were a lot of secrets the blacks kept hidden from everyone, and a lot of things sirius kept from people he cared about. 

his younger brother, regulus, had been made heir after that and ever since he had hated sirius. well, he proclaimed to but anyone who knew sirius and regulus knew that they actually loved each other dearly.

but all of the families expectations fell on the younger boy when he was given that title. and much like sirius, he was certainly not ready. 

they had a lot of things planned you wouldn't expect in the modern day. arranged marriages, mandatory dinner parties. all that fancy stuff. and because regulus was now heir he was the face of it all.

he represented the family and that also lost him a lot of friends in highschool. now, regulus was only allowed contact with people that his parents had approved of. they had previously let sirius make his own friends and now we know how that ended up.

regulus struggled from day to day with this and each time they had called or texted sirius had begged for regulus to come and stay with him but each time he had refused, saying, although he hated them, his family was all he had left. 

but that was wrong and it frustrated sirius so much because all he wanted to do was comfort his brother and love him and show him there was a way out of here. away from the darkness of the cruel and dreary hallways of the black family house. 

he vowed one day he would convince him to do it. but for now sirius needed to pretend like everything was fine and always had been. that he was okay and didn't need checking up on.

sirius craved the love and affection and how it made people feel so much that was what had drove him to start texting people online - it was how he met remus. and if remus was so perfect, maybe the tragedy of his childhood was going too have some good come out of it.


	8. Chapter 8

james wasn't dumb. he knew sirius had a friend online. sirius had told him about remus before, back they were in school. he actually really liked remus, he was intelligent and smart and like a lot of things he did.

but he did think sirius was stupid to keep who he actually was from remus for so long. he kept thinking that eventually remus would say enough is enough and leave and quite frankly if he did, james would miss remus too. the way he made sirius happy the most. and you may be thinking, was he ever jealous? no. james was never jealous.

he knew that sirius loved him very much. it was just that remus was different. so, so different. the way they talked was in a very loving and intimate way.

several times, james had actually asked him if he and remus were dating. every time, sirius would grin and turn red yet shook his head an explained that's just how the pair of them talked to each other.

part him thought that atleast one of them had to like each other, the subtle flirting and outgoing compliments just seemed to natural.

sirius was definitely not as smooth and calm in real life when it came to flirting, or any romantic type of interaction really as he was online. maybe, again, it was just the way he was with remus.

the one thing he was jealous of though was not the relationship remus had with sirius it was the one sirius had with remus.

james actually really would have liked to become remus' friend, and still did to this day. there was just something about him that gave you 'god, i really wanna be his friend' vibes.

and so, he decided since he and sirius had finally met up, remus wouldn't mind meeting up with him as friends to get to know him better.

james  
hi remus! i hope  
you remember me,   
i have a question if   
you dont mind.

remus  
of course i do!  
go ahead!

james  
well, i was wondering  
if you wanted to meet up  
today? you seem cool and   
sirius speaks so fondly of you  
lol

remus  
oh- wow. okay,   
yea sure! why not?

james  
really? damn   
okay. where'd you   
wanna go? i know you  
went out for coffee with  
sirius.

remus  
i really dont mind,   
we could go to the beach?  
its quite nice there (:

james  
that sounds amazing,  
what time should i get  
there by? or should i   
pick you up?

remus  
i have to get ready,   
could you maybe meet me   
there by 4pm? everything looks  
so cool at night, we might as well  
go late. if u can ofc lmao

james  
sure, i have all  
day (:

remus  
alrighty, i need to   
go get some books at the  
library and then get ready,   
bye!

james  
seeya!  
read, 14:52pm

james grinned at his phone. remus really was nice, and quite polite too. he knew he'd have a great time with him. he'd only been to the beach a couple times. a couple with his parents and then once with sirius and them. it had been fun.

he was actually really excited. but the one thing he didn't know if sirius would be happy he was getting along with him or he'd pull one of his 'you're stealing my remmykins' moments. james would have to wait and see.

this was gonna be fun.


	9. Chapter 9

james. james motherfucking potter was about to meet up with remus. what the fuck? he was nervous when he was meeting sirius and now he was meeting someone he'd talked to about once?

he was terrified.

remus was absolutely mortified over the idea of meeting james. not of course james being the reason, he was just really really fucking nervous. and to calm his nerves, remus decided to brag about it to lily - she had a MASSIVE crush on him.

"im meeting james, im meeting james!" remus sang cheerfully, skipping in a circle around lily, she was trying to do the laundry.

"i know, you've been bragging all morning! honestly, james should be going out with me! you dickface," lily said...well...practically growled.

"yea well im just better than you. i bet james finds me utterly irresistible. i bet he loves me, don't you think lily?"

"oh come off it will you!" lily said, laughing. although she was so jealous of remus, she couldn't be mad at all. he just seemed so happy and careless. this never happened in general and especially not before he was about to meet someone, whether he knew them or not.

hell, remus even got nervous when meeting his cousins! 

to be honest, remus didn't see any of his family much. after his mother..well...now he doesn't see her anymore, he lost touch with most of the people he was related to. and he actually had quite a lot of family, they were all back in wales.

but besides, he sees his cousins every now and then and that seems to be enough for him. after he came out as bisexual to his family (and lily) most of them had stopped talking to him anyways. it was mainly his father's side of the family and lily could see why.

currently, remus was checking his watch. its was 3pm. he had an hour until he needed to be by the beach with james, he was quite excited actually.

"do you think i should text him and ask if i should leave, lils?" remus asked, casting a nervous glance at lily.

"yea, sure, why not?"

remus  
hey james, should   
i leave now?

james  
hey remus, something  
bad came up with sirius  
and i can't come today :(

remus  
omg its fine!! what  
happened?

james  
it's not my place to say,  
im sure he'll tell you soon

remus  
i understand, sending  
my best wishes ! xxx

james  
I'll tell him, when he  
wakes up. if he does.

remus  
listen, idk what  
happened but it  
sounds serious. but  
please don't talk or even  
think like that. everything  
is going to be okay, are you  
alright?

james  
i can't say im alright, no  
im a bit shaken up if im  
honest. but I'll be okay if he is.

remus  
well, do you need   
to talk?

remus was now heavily sweating and he could feel the panic rising in his body and slowly his breathing began to quicken and he started to slowly rock back and forth whilst texting, now he was sitting - a habit lily was familiar of. 

"hey, rem. you okay? did something happen?"

"sirius..something happened and james said its not his place to say, im scared lily," remus replied, lily could tell he genuinely was just by the look in his eye, or even the fact he had said her full name.

james  
i have to go, the   
police want to talk to me.  
have a good evening remus 

remus  
cant say it'll be   
good, you too. besg  
of luck xx  
read 15:22pm

"im sure he's going to be fine remus, i promise you that and when have i ever broken a promise?" lily said, slowly lowering remus' phone away from his face and placed it onto the side. he hadn't noticed, this worried her.

"are you sure?"

"im sure. now, let's get you changed into some more comfy clothes now you're staying here, eh?"

"alright, " remus replied in a small, timid voice.


	10. Chapter 10

remus was beyond worried by now. two hours ago james had told him their plans were cancelled because something major had happened that involved sirius and he was DEEPLY worried. 

sirius meant everything to remus and was what he considered his closest friend (sharing that title with lily of course) and despite lily trying to distract him he still could not seem to take his mind off of what could have happened.

she decided that they would order take out that night and that they could rent a movie and do facemasks to help calm remus down and it usually worked. whenever remus felt like he was going to have a panic attack she'd suggest watching a movie and simply just relaxing and eting whatever they could find. 

and yes, it usually worked, but because he was panicking about something that could actually become a possibilty and something that lily herself as a little uneasy over was ten times worse and he could feel the attack rising and he knew it would come soon if he didn't calm himself down soon.

so, he had agreed to watch the movie with her. it was a comedy so he had no trouble enjoying it and eventually after about forty five minutes remus could say that he was calmed and knew that sirius was in good hands. and after about an hour and a half when their takeout was ordered he could say that the event itself was wiped from his mind.

they were now watching sex education on netflix and it actually was quite funny. remus laughed a lot.

when the food arrived, remus' mouth was almost watering and he was full on craving the chinese food now. he wasn't a big food person due to many eating based mental health issues he has suffered with in the past and still does yet less furiously today but chinese takeout was his ultimate fave.

that was probably why lily had chosen it after all, she really could be a sweetheart, remus did not think he deserved her at all. she was so kind and gentle and understanding and he could not ask for more in a best friend. 

but just as all seemed fine and well, remus got the text that he had both been dreading and hoping for the entire night.

it was a text from james and it wasnt looking good. not good at all. he had explained to remus that sirius had been asking for him in his sleep..weird? why of all people would sirius want remus?

and even worse, he was battered and bruised and had ended up with several broken bones. they had operated on him within the hour and now he was resting, he was asked to come to the hospital asap and the adress was below.

remus knew the hospital, he knew london (where sirius was) like the back of his hand and immediantely told lily that they had to abandon the food and head over there right now.

the red head was extremely confused and worried. she could tell this was a very serious situation, so much so that remus had pushed his anxiety down and forced his attack away. his face wa straight and his eyes bore the expression of complete focus.

she nodded and began packing the food into tubs and putting into the fridge in a hurry. meanwhile, remus was pulling on a pair of mom jeans he had found in a charity shop and pulling on a mahogany sweater, fumbling to put a spare pair of clothes for lily in his bag so she could get changed once they arrived - there was no time now.

in a rush, the two stumbled out of the door, nearly knocking each other over in the process of trying to lock it before jumping into the car lily usually borrowed from her parents.

and then, still in her pajamas lily turned it on and swiftly backed the car out of the drive and zoomed down the road.

biting his nails in nervousness, remus hoped that he would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half way there, mate.


	11. Chapter 11

shaking from head to toe. he had tried to hide this fact from lily but it clearly was not going well.

the red head wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders and squeezed him ever so gently. now that she had thought about it, she had always been extra gentle with him. lily had a couple close friends. alice, frank, marlene, mary and dorcas. but of course, as soon as she met him, lily knew remus would overtake them all.

there was just something about his friendly and acceptable nature that made lily feel at home, all of the time.

of course, lily had had a crush on him when they first met. he just wasn't like any other boy that she had ever met. he was kind and considerate and just perfect. 

yet, her crush soon faded about a month into the friendship when remus came out to her as bisexual but having a preference for guys. believe it or not, lily did not have much confidence herself and so she just accepted she would never have the chance.

she soon realised, within a couple weeks of remus telling her about her online friend sirius, that he loved him.

it hurt her, if she was honest. because although that she had accepted the fact lily would never like her back and her crush slowly fading away, it still pained her to see him smiling over someone that she had once wished was her.

lily had been chased by many boys in secondary school and so now she found it hard to comprehend the fact she could not just take remus when she was ready. if she waited to long he would be gone.

but, of course, this was not remus' fault, he did not know that lily liked him and he simply remained oblivious.

but right now, she knew it was best for her to wait a distance away.

when they arrived at his room, she was confronted with james potter waiting outside. for now, she knew her huge celeb crush on him would have to be put aside, it was not the time.

"he's in there. i thought it would be best for you to be in there with him for a bit, y'know, to calm down?" james said, directing his speech towards remus.

"right. thank you, james. nice to meet you after all," remus responded quietly and shook his hand. he didn't even know sirius was awake yet but all he knew was that he had to see him; alive, breathing.

remus entered the room with caution, gasping as soon as he managed to get a glimpse of sirius' face. it was swollen on the side and he had a severe black eye. there were a few marks on his legs too and he was still unconscious.

he took a deep breathe and examined him for a while longer before finally taking a seat in an arm chair right next to the bed.

wasn't it funny? the way his second time seeing him was in a hospital bed,knocked out. remus hated the world. he bet a million pounds it was laughing in his face right now.

he took a hold of sirius' hand and squeezed it gently. all of a sudden, he felt like he was in some type of movie. not a good, of course, but this did seem what happened to a lot of people who loved someone from a different background from themselves.

remus hoped that their differences wouldn't clash with them in the future, he really loved sirius. 

it was weird, really. remus had only really realised himself that he was in love with him when he met him. it felt some much more fulfilling when he finally got to see that bubbly personality in real life.

"god, sirius. you really take my breathe away. wait, that's...that's not a joke i swear. you're quite mysterious y'know. i wonder what happened. maybe you'll tell me, trust me enough for me to know. i don't know. i can't get my hopes up with you, can i? not like you'll ever love me back," remus took a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing, "i think i've only realised recently. maybe my heart had known all along, i'm not sure, it's a shame you'll never know. it really is. because maybe, maybe if i had an ounce of courage, you'd feel the same."

a soft voice, weak, "remus....i do.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny because no ones ever gonna see this lolz


	12. Chapter 12

remus looked up, surely he had been dreaming, right? surely sirius had not just said that. to him of all people. "w-what?" remus said timidly.

"you heard me, idiot. i like..i love you, remus. i'm fucking mad about you, for christs sake. i just can't make a move because i don't want the media to get involved, to ruin it all."

"i don't understand. why does that matter?"

"being this well known, remus. it's toxic. you don't understand, and i wouldn't expect you to. but life isn't simple for me, i can never have a quiet life. there will always be someone intruding, and for someone so pure as you, i can't put you through that," sirius said, in a croaky voice.

"sirius, i love you. i don't care!" remus exclaimed.

"i know you don't. but i do. it would destroy you, i know that for a fact, like it has me. i can't let that happen, so..let's just wait and see okay?" 

"okay..but promise you'll give us atleast one chan in the future? you can't just give up on me that easily," he replied. remus had to admit, all this new information and this event on a whole had sent him into overdrive but he really was upset that people who didn't even know them were affecting them.

it felt so wrong and cruel and selfish, but remus partly understood what sirius was saying. the internet could be a toxic place, that was for sure. 

"i promise. but now, why don't you sit back and i'll explain what happened, eh?" sirius said, propping himself up in the hospital bed.

"yes please. i've been dying to know but when i asked james said it was not really his place to say but it was bad. i was worried, but respected him. he's a good guy, james. i'm so glad you were okay," remus said, beginning to ramble and fiddle with his hands.

"right. well, my parents aren't the best, i know you know some of that. but recently, i've really started to annoy them. because of my publicity, they've toned it down the past couple years. but they heard about me and you, assumed things and beat me to fucking shit," sirius finished with a chuckle, somehow genuine.

"t-that's horrible..i'm...this is all my fault!" remus exclaimed.

"no, no, no, hey! baby...god, I knew you would find some way to blame yourself...its okay.. dont worry!" sirius said.

remus sniffled and wiped his eyes on his sleeve, "are you sure it isn't my fault? i wont be offended or anything, i can go if you want-"

sirius sighed almost dreamily and laughed softly, "im sure.." the raven haired man then wrapped his arms around remus' waist and pull him even closer then he was before. "now, you listen to me. i love you so so much okay? this is not your fault at all, mkay?"

remus gave a shaky nod of the head and closed his eyes.

and after a while, remus had fallen asleep. and sirius was not surprised nor upset by this. it was now four in the morning and he himself could do with another couple of hours of sleep, and so closed his eyes and tried to shut any intrusive thoughts out of his head.

he hated the fact that his parents and his fame put an almost invisible barrier between remus and sirius and what the could be. 

but sirius would not let himself feel any sense of self pity; he had the chance and he pushed it away and remus, he had told remus they could not be together and that was his fault. and if remus loved on or moved on was the question.

either way, sirius would not be mad if he and this might was forgotten whatever happened must be for the best, anyways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so short I'm sorry omg


	13. Chapter 13

lot had changed over the time of sirius being released from the hospital. and today, sirius had a surprise for remus - one he was sure he was going to love. he just had to propose the idea. simple, right? 

he gulped nervously as he arrived at the door to where remus and lily lived. sirius was sure he had never been so scared in his entire life. the door of the pair's home was a dark brown and the handle was a shining gold. 

sirius decided he just needed to take the plunge, be brave. he knocked on the door frantically and took a deep breath, suddenly becoming extremely interested in the patterns on the door handle than anything else. but then, the handle disappeared out of view and the door swung open, sirius was met with a beaming smile. 

"hi sirius! what's up?" remus said, beckoning sirius inside, to which he smiled and followed him in.

"i actually have something to ask you, well, tell you. i'm not too sure to be honest but i think you'll be excited," he grinned.

"go on.." remus' eyes narrowed with a mixture of anticipation and doubt, pondering on what sirius had in store for him - he hoped it wasn't anything too life - changing, it was eleven in the morning and he wasn't even fully awake yet.

"well, james and me are going to paris for five days in a week, we're planning to film some videos for youtube and take some photos too, i was wondering if maybe you wanted to come?" 

remus was actually quite shocked at first. go to paris? he had never been anywhere outside of england that wasn't wales before, "you're joking, right?" he replied.

"nope. no, im not joking," laughed sirius, he ran a nervous hand through his hair and bit his lip in waiting, "so?"

"o-okay. yes, sure. why not?" remus grinned.

"oh and, by the way, your friend lily can come too, i don't mind, we have a spare ticket anyways, our friend peter was supposed to come but his busy, his mother's visiting him."

"sounds great. well, call me later?" remus finished, giving him a nervous smile at the end.

"course. see you, re!" 

"bye!" remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself saying anything else. of course, getting over sirius hadn't been easy. and he had finally accepted it might be a while before he did. it was just, he really, really liked sirius and it hurt him that sirius had rejected him in the hospital.

it wasn't a full rejection, given they still had a possibility of a future, but it still stung to be around him, seeing as the postponement of anything more of friendship between them seemed to have no effect on him. meanwhile, remus was pining like a love sick puppy - and it made him feel pathetic. he just wished he had not confessed properly in the hospital and he was able to shut out his feelings like he always had, but now sirius knew, it was different. remus knew now he couldn't hide them away in the comforting thought that no one knew. he had never much hope with love. over the years, he had had a boyfriend or a girlfriend or two, but nothing lasting more than two years. and the thing was, with remus, he had loved each of those people; but they just didn't love him back. and all this time he had just grown to the conclusion he was just unloveable.

remus was too broken; too shattered, too sad, too tired, too helpless, too vulnerable. he would never meet the standards of a modern day people. he'd never find someone who could help him, understand him and grow with him and love him, for who he was. and it hurt because that's all remus wanted. someone. someone he could count on and remember they would always be there. but he guessed that just was not he road he was supposed to take.

he decided it was time to stop wallowing in self pity and tell lily the plans. 

then he would pick out some outfits and get started packing, in hopes that would take his mind off his feelings - and if not, there was always other...more unpleasant ways. he'd just have to deal with it. like he always did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit is coming..


	14. Chapter 14

the day of the trip had arrived, excitement filling the air. at six in the morning, sirius and james had arrived to pick up lily and remus from their house, they were going to get a train to paris - the eurostar.

it would not be a long, long journey; about maximum three hours. but then again, they still had to get to the station and board the train and when they arrived, find their hotel and unpack.

so all in all, they'd probably only get to properly relax that evening.

"i've never been to paris, i'm quite nervous to be honest," said remus, the four were currently at the train station and waiting for their train. it was now six thirty and the train was to arrive at seven. they had gotten some coffee and were now all comfortably sitting down on benches near the platform.

"don't be, i've been loads of times, even born there. i know it like the back of my hand, trust me!" sirius grinned at him and took a sip of his drink. the warm fluid filling his insides, a mixture of anticipation and excitement twisting in his stomach.

"mm, whatever you say. i haven't been away since i was 15, and that was only to wales!" remus laughed, the sun glowing on him, making his cheek bones seem more prominent - he looked like an angel.

sirius grinned and have him a cheeky wink before checking his phone, deciding to tweet out to his followers.

' at the train station to go to PARIS !! me, james, remus and remus' friend lily! here we goooo!!!! '

instantly, people started reply and liking, causing sirius to chuckle and feel a swell of happiness in his chest, he put his phone back in his pocket, slowly drinking some of the warm liquid in his hands, sighing in contentment.  
"y'know, this is quite calming actually. i could get used to this," james said opposite them, laying comfortably across the bench he was supposedly sharing with lily (she was sitting on the edge, almost shaking with nerves, she was fangirling).

remus shot her a look and raised his eyebrows, smirking at her. she narrowed her eyes at him and flipped him off, he giggled.

"always liked your laugh," said sirius, all of a sudden after taking another sip of his strong, black coffee.

remus bit the inside of his cheek to stop him from squealing, "really now. and you're telling me this at this very moment, because?" 

"i don't know, i just thought you looked..." he faltered.

"well?"

"beautiful."

remus stared at him for a few moments, taking in exactly what he had heard. how nervously those words were uttered: it was almost like he actually meant it. but no, he couldn't have. he told remus in the hospital they weren't to be anything more than friends, and remus would not let his mind run away with him again.

he turned away.

stupid move, yes, but it was necessary. he couldn't let his emotions get to him, it was nothing more than a friendly compliment and sirius wouldn't care if he ignored him or not, he didn't matter to him that much.

meanwhile, sirius gulped and looked down into lap. 'damn, i really thought i said the right thing...guess not.. " he thought, biting his lip to stop himself from tearing up. the air around them suddenly didn't seem so sweet anymore. the sun didn't seem so bright. the sky didn't seem so blue. 

why?

because sirius couldn't see the good things when remus wasn't around, remus was his light, his sun, his blue sky.

without him, he felt hopeless. like all his happiness had been drained like a cup of vodka on a night where you just wanted to forget. it stung. maybe, maybe remus was lying before? maybe he just felt sorry for sirius?

he decided he wouldn't mention it to anyone, not even james.

it wasn't really important, he wasn't really important. his feelings weren't really important to anyone. sirius didn't want to burden them with his sadness, and so, said nothing of the matter.

the pair boarded the train that day saying nothing more, guilt and anxiety building up on both parties, but neither having the guts to do anything about it.

they faked a smile and a laugh, fooling everyone around them and each other, each sign of happiness without them stabbing them like a steak in the heart, but i guess that's what love is.

its like holding a gun to your head, giving the gun to someone else and hoping they don't pull the trigger.

that's what love is.


	15. Chapter 15

sirius had to know. it was a question that had been running through his mind for the past couple of days now. they had arrived in paris two days ago and sirius and james had filmed one video, meaning they needed to get working on another one soon.

that's when the idea struck sirius for the new video, he could film him asking remus out! that would get loads fo views and if remus said no he could make it out to be a prank - this was one of the best ideas he had ever had.

at nine in the morning he got up and got dressed extremely quickly and quietly (he shared a dorm with james whilst lily with remus) and pulled on his best outfit. he knew exactly how he was going to ask him.

he was going to take remus on a trip to see the eifell tower ans then ask him right in front of him! of course, it would not be a grand gesture because he knew remus would not sit well with all the attention but he still wanted it to be magical.

sirius wanted to prove that despite all their differences and complications they could be together and be happy.

he left the hotel in high spirits, off to get some early lunch since it was too late for breakfats now. at around four o clock, he would ask remus to go with him, then they would go and see the tower and if remus said yes he'd take him to dinner too!

the plan seemed perfect and well though through now, he knew james would be dissappointed whe he found out he had not told him about the plan but he didn't really care, he didn't care if this was what he had to do in order to make remus his.

***

time seemed to be against sirius and four o clock rolled around lo faster thn he had expected. he spent the whole afternoon near the tower, trying to form what he was going to say and exactly where he was going to say it. he would not make remus climb the tower just to hear what he had to say, they could do that another day. 

nervously, he quickly grabbed a few things he would need from his own hotel room, deciding to film on his phone so remus didn't feel like a zoo animal with a big camera in his face intimidating him.

Sirius mumbled an apology to james who was very confused and told him what he was about to do, to leave him and remus alone for the night. james nodded and decided to spend some time with lily, to get to know her. he had actually become very fond of the young woman. 

sirius knocked sheepishly on the door. within a moment, remus opened it. he was wearing a green jumper and blue cuffed jeans, also sporting a huge smile on his face - his cheeks were a little flushed, "hi sirius! anything wrong?"

"no, i actually was just wondering if you'd like to come to the eifell tower with me? james didn't want to," he lied.

"sure! let me just go get my phone and room card and when can get going!" he disappeared for a few minutes and sirius' hand shot up in the air in triumph. a few moments later, remus arrived again - phone and card in hand - and they set off, james winking behind them before they left, sirius giving him a nervous but cheerful look. 

they walked for a while until they reached the tower, remus admiring it in all its beauty, the lights of the city around them as the sun had begun to set. "so, remus i have something to say," he said after a while, sneakily turning his phone on record.

"and what's that?" remus questioned.

"i didn't just take you here for no reason, i actually wanted to ask you something..but i don't know what you'll say..."

"just say it. i won't be mad or sad or anything, just happy that you decided to ask me, its clear it must have been playing on your mind."

"remus," he looked at the ground, finding his words for a moment, "i love you. there is no denying it anymore. and i was such an idiot in the hospital, crushing you like that when all i wanted was to be with you too. you light up my world and have ever since we met, im so glad i met you. and so, will you be my boyfriend?"

remus gasped. he hadn't expected that at all, he thought Sirius was going to say that he hated him or something! "i- are..are you sure? you don't have to do it if you feel sorry for me, i'd rather be with someone who actually has feelings for me.."

"i do. i have feelings for you, remus. so, will you?"

tears of happiness filling his eyes, remus nodded and sirius pulled him into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head. 

it took a while for them to finally let each other go. sirius wanted to kiss him so bad but he knew he should wait until remus voiced he was ready to do that, for now, holding his hand was more than fine. 

and so, hand in hand, they made their way to the restaurant that sirius had chose for them, both feeling complete and content - ready to have the best night of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Six more, you got this


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW = METIONS OF DEATH AND GRAPHIC SCENES

four days had passed now, and remus and sirius were happier than ever. however, something else had erupted - remus and lily were currently arguing, which never happened, like ever. lily was yelling and accusing remus of spending all his time with sirius.

it was all of a sudden really, lily had walked in on them basically fucking on her bed and she got really pissed. 

obviously supporting his boyfriend, sirius too had pointed this out. that in fact lily had gotten all mad at him all of a sudden and that it wasn't fair and he wouldn't allow her to just yell at his remus like that. 

"i hate you! all my life i've helped your pathetic self and this is how you repay me?" that hit close to him. to close in fact. tears of shame filled remus' eyes and he looked down at his shoes, a roar of rage coming from his lover, "how dare you speak to him like that!"

the room was now filled by the sounds of Sirius yelling and lily trying to explain at the top of her lungs. it was loud. too, too loud. remus wanted to get out.

he slumped in the corner, watching them fight. he could feel the panic taking him over and he covered his ears with his hands, slowly beginning to rock back and forth, trying to steady his breathing.

after a moment or two, sirius turned in realisation and dropped down next to his boyfriend, pulling him into a tight embrace, "hey, i'm sorry. it's okay, deep breaths okay?" to which remus nodded in response.

a while went before remus had composed himself, gulping, he spoke, "i need to go for a walk. you two stay here." his voice was shaky and the sound was breaking Sirius, he gulped and nodded - allowing him to leave with nothing.

oh, that was such a stupid, stupid mistake. 

the air was chilly and cold, causing remus to shiver. he walked around the streets, not really knowing where he was but to be honest he didn't seem to care. the cool air soothed him from his panic attack.

but someone was approaching him, he could hear footsteps behind him..but he was too late. a sharp white pain sliced through him, and so did a long, silver knife. remus had never felt pain like this.

it almost numbed him, he staggered red, warm blood spilling from his mouth as he tried to form words. was he about to die? 

the thought of death never alarmed him, but now he had Sirius he had a reason to be alive. he coughed, more blood dribbling down his chin now, clinging on a lamppost to stay upright. was he about to die here? alone in paris?

his feet became weaker and his vision became blurrier. he licked his lips, a sour taste filling his mouth. 

remus thought of sirius, wondering if he would miss him, would he even find him? he didn't want to die alone. he wanted to die with sirius in thirty, forty, fifty years from now. he gulped, finally falling and collapsing to the ground.

the next few moments were a blur for remus. he heard a yell and someone rushing towards him, sirius. he pulled him into his arms and sobbed into his chest, "gonna b-be o-okay baby..h-helps coming i-i promise."

remus tried to apologise himself, tell sirius it wasn't his fault but it ended in a coughing fit, even more blood splattering itself on sirius' t-shirt remus himself watched him put on this morning after a blissful evening the night before. 

soon, he heard sirens and his lover talking frantically in french to the paramedics who were examining his wound whilst he lay on the ground. they nodded at Sirius and brang out a stretcher from the back of their van, gently lifting remus onto it.

when he was placed in the van safely, sirius hurried in and sat next to him, he could feel the vehicle starting to move, "s-see.." sirius said through his tears, "t-told you everything's gonna be okay, didn't i?"

remus couldn't nod, so he simply squeezed sirius' hand, earning him a squeeze back. and soon, much to his lover's protests, his eyes fluttered to a close, peace enveloping him.

was he sleeping?


	17. Chapter 17

the whole ride felt surreal for sirius, he didn't even know if remus was alive or dead - too scared to check his pulse.

he had texted james, explaining what had happened and where they would be, to meet them there as soon as possible. sirius hated himself, for letting remus leave the hotel alone and so, so vulnerable.

a ten minute walk around the place, sirius thought he meant. he didn't expect him to go wandering around paris. and this was all his fault. he didn't even blame lily, thinking that he as his boyfriend had the job of making sure he was okay and safe.

"please, please be okay baby..i'm sorry. this is all my fault. four days. I couldn't even keep you safe for four days like I promised. i'm sorry.." he sobbed, holding remus' hand like a lifeline, praying for the odds to be in their favour.

ten minutes went by, but he felt like ten years. the constant noise of the sirens only seemed to fuel sirius' anxiety even more. when they finally arrived the doors opened and remus was rushed out, sirius following swiftly behind.

he saw james, standing in the hall - pacing and shouting at lily for allowing this to happen, that now his best friend might lose the one person that truly makes him happy because of her. he caught sirius' eye and he motioned for him to follow him, but when they arrived at a room - a doctor stood in the way. 

james didn't understand what was said at first because he and sirius were obviously arguing in French, finally sirius sighed and the man pat him on the back - walking away.

lip trembling, he told james how he found him and what the doctor said, "he should survive but the wounds most likely to cause him problems with his digestive system for a while, being in the stomach and all, but he's gonna be okay. i can't go in there whilst they clean him up and heal it because i'm not family and we aren't married."

james enveloped sirius into a strong embrace, sirius crying silently into his shoulder, "he's gonna be okay, paddie, you heard him yourself, it's okay.." he mumbled softly.

he nodded and pulled away, wiping his eyes. 

cautiously, lily made her way to the room - obviously distressed. "sirius..i-i-..." but she couldn't say anything else, her voice had become non-existent. she had no words to explain how horrible she felt.

"lily, go," james said harshly, "you've caused enough already."

sirius was surprised at this, he didn't think james would put he and remus above her. not just last night he was talking about how much he liked her. and clearly, this seemed to hurt her. "please.. i just want to see if remus is okay..."

"he's gonna be fine. just go, please. when he wakes, i'll ask if he wants to see you or not," he wasn't even facing her, he couldn't. 

she nodded, knowing she wasn't wanted. regret piling up inside her, she turned back to sit in the waiting room - alone. 

sirius was tied, so tired. it was now nine in the evening and he hadn't got much sleep last night, for much opposite reasons as to why he wouldn't tonight. of course, he didn't regret it but right now all he wanted to do was to fall asleep with his lover.

he hated every part of the walls. white all white. remus' would have hated it, said they needed some colour in their life, a watery chuckle leaving sirius at the thought. remus didn't deserve to be here. it deserved to be out, exploring the city and trying new foods like everyone else. sirius wanted this trip to be like that for him, lifechanging. and it had, in the worst and best way possible. 

finally, someone arrived outside of remus' room, "he's asleep, and when he wakes he'll be quite out of it. you can visit him now, just be gentle with him." the lady said. 

sirius nodded, giving her a weak smile for he and james entered the room, the worse sight he had ever been filling his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad sad sad


	18. Chapter 18

that evening, sirius announced he was taking a break from social media and explained what had happened. many people wished them luck for their relationship whilst he was away and wished remus good health.

he just knew that he had to focus on remus and helping him get better rather than social media at that moment.

remus didn't wake until around two in the morning, disoriented and slightly frightened as the lady had said he would be. "hey, it's okay love. i'm here, no one can hurt you. I promise.." sirius whispered, stroking remus' hair.

remus winced at the pain in his stomach, "fucking hell," he hissed, "what did they say, by the way?"

"um, not much. basically, you won't be able to eat properly for a while, just whilst it heals. it'd only take a couple days though! so until then we're stuck here i'm afraid, babe."

a look of guilt flashed over remus' face, "b-but it's not your fault! it's mine!" sirius quickly said, remus giving him a look of upmost confusion. "your fault? why in god's name would it be your fault! you saved me!"

trying to argue, sirius spoke again, "n-no..b-because if.....if I-i stopped you then.. then t-this would have n-never even happened," he tried to hold back his tears but he just couldn't bring himself to hold them back anymore. 

remus smiled softly, "hey, hey..it's okay, i'm here now, aren't i?" he brought sirius onto the bed and hugged him tightly, rubbing his back.

sirius nodded and wiped his eyes, taking a deep breath. "lily was here by the way, i said i would see what you said, can she come and see you?"

remus' stomach squirmed with anxiety and guilt. he bit his lip for a moment, thinking, before eventually nodding his head, "can you go get her for me seeming as.." he gestured to himself and they both laughed.

sirius nodded and soon disappeared out of the room, leaving remus alone for a few minutes. he didn't know why he was so nervous to see lily, it wasn't like he had done anything to her - rather the opposite around, but still he felt queasy and nervous as if she was a complete stranger.

two minutes later, sirius arrived back in the room followed by a very timid lily. remus could tell sirius was not in the best of moods with her, only acknowledging her existence when he glared at her as she sat down next to remus on his bed. sirius mouthed if he should go but remus shook his stead, telling him to stay.

"im sorry.." was the first thing lily said before she burst into tears. remus gave her a weak smile and opened his arms so she could hug him. "its okay, lils, it was no one's fault but mine. let's just forget it, yeah? i'm sorry i ruined the trip.."

"you didn't ruin anything!" lily and sirius yelled at the same time, causing remus to flinch in shock but laugh none the less.

he looked around his hospital bed at the plain white floors, the plain white walls and th plain white bedsheets, "bit boring in here. isn't it?" 

"i knew you'd say something about the lack of colour in here!" sirius grinned and jumped up, laughing, remus smiled at his boyfriend. he looked happy, and that alone made remus' day.

"i have a point you know!" he giggled.

"hey guys..haven't we forgotten about james?" lily then said all of a sudden, causing them all to look around and slowly nod. "yeah...maybe we should let him in so he can join the fun? and so...i can explain..." she said quietly, to which the boys agreed on.

the next few hours were spent playing board games, eating weird french foods and sirius trying to teach them all french. they tried to make the day as normal as possible for remus, despite him being hooked up to scary-looking machines.

it had taken a while for james and sirius to forgive lily, both seeming to be extremely protective over remus but they got over it and decided if remus could forgive her, so could they.

and to be honest, remus couldn't have had it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more...


	19. Chapter 19

a few days passed and remus was improving dramatically. he could walk, sit up and eat on his own. and that meant, they were able to go home that day - and everyone could not be happier because of this.

"you all packed rem? we need to leave for the hotel soon, the train back to england leaves in two hours," sirius informed his boyfriend, who was currently pulling a mahogany sweater over his head.

"yep, i'm ready to go," remus smiled at him, taking a quick look behind him to double check he had everything, then nodded.

sirius chuckled ad held out his hand for remus to hold as they walked out of the room, promising never to do something so stupid they would end up in there again. shortly after they left, sirius texted james to tell him that they would be ten minutes, he and lily had left beforehand to give remus and sirius privacy.

he slid his phone back in his pocket and then the pair began to walk silently hand-in-hand through the streets.

"y'know, i have been willing to ask...did you...did you tell anyone about us? and what happened?" said remus all of a sudden after a few quiet minutes.

"well, i did say we weren't just friends but i didn't straight up say you were my boyfriend, do you want me to? and yes i put out on my twitter what happened but not the details just in case you didn't want me to."

remus nodded and bit his lip for a moment as they walked. finally, remus spoke up again, "i...i want you to tell people that we're dating," he said, "don't want anyone else chasing after you now do i?" he muttered shyly, to which then they both giggled.

when they arrived at the hotel, sirius followed remus to his and lily's room (though he spent most of his time before in sirius') to finish up putting a few more thing inside his suitcase buy the wardrobe.

once everything was ready, he texted james again.

sirius  
me and rem are  
ready, where are  
you?

james  
just got a taxi  
to the train station

sirius  
okay, we'll  
be in there in  
twentyy

james  
hurry up bitch

sirius  
OI

james  
shutup and get ur  
asses here >:( and   
dont waste time making  
out 

sirius  
THE S H A D E

james  
HMPH >:3

sirius laughed and put his phone away once more before turning to remus, his own suitcase by him and remus followed him out of the room. they took one last look at it, and all the memories they had made before shutting the door.

a rush if emotion washed over sirius in that moment and he squeezed remus' hand tightly, to which the boy smiled.

and they began their journey home.


	20. Chapter 20

the ride home was basically silent, being on a train you couldn't talk much anyways without getting weird looks.

james seemed to have been whispering to lily the majority of the way back, it seemed as they were making up for lost time and slowly james decided he could not only forgive her but actually ask her out on a date!

grinning, he had turned in his seat and whispered to sirius and remus the good news, they both smiled fondly at him, knowing that this could be the start of a new-found, blossoming relationship between the two.

"y'know, apart from what happened, i think this trip was a success. it changed a lot for me," he gave a shy smile to his lover, "and although the past few days have been rough, i don't think i would rather have it any other way."

sirius smirked at his lover before replying, "now, now remus no need to get all sappy on him, we haven't even got home yet, and you're in for a nice surprise."

remus groaned, "yo know i hate secrets!"

"oi, not a secret. a very well thought through surprise for you that i put a lot of effort into."

suddenly, remus' voice took to a softer tone, "thank you. you really don't have to be so nice to me all the time. i need to start doing things for you too, this can't just be a one-sided thing forever siri, i'll look like a right prick!"

the man next to him giggled, "fine, but not tonight, i have other things planned," he winked.

***

When they arrived back in the train station in the uk, james and lily decided to go on their date straight away, and so leaving remus and sirius with the choice of either a) going to sirius and james' place or b) going to remus' and lily's.

"i don't mind, baby. whatever you want! i'm not bothered!"

"but remus dearest, it has to be perfect for us and i don't want to go anywhere you don't want to!" sirius exclaimed. 

remus sighed, he still had no a single clue what this secret, sorry, surprise was and he was starting to get a bit jittery. maybe sirius was pulling off another one of his irrational schemes and remus would be at the centre of it. of course, he loved and trusted sirius but sometimes sirius got a little bit too carried away if he was planning an event by himself, holding almost too high expectations. 

"how is it supposed to be perfect if i'm there, love? i'm the complete opposite of perfect," remus smiled sadly.

a frown made it's way across sirius' face and he spoke, "don't say that remus, you're perfectly perfect in my eyes and that's all that matters, i think the world of you and i hope one day you'll realise how wonderful you are," he replied lovingly.

"okay, okay. let's just go to mine, but please sirius, don't lie to me. i know how horrible i truly am, you don't have to sugar-coat anything for me, been told the same shit all before," he said quietly.

they had decided to take a taxi to remus' place, and when they arrived remus wrapped an arm around sirius' shoulders and led him inside. the place was cosy and welcoming and smelt strongly of coffee and strawberries. "nice place you have here, now are you ready for the surprise?"

remus chuckled and nodded. "okay, wait here i'll be two minutes," sirius rushed himself up the stairs, carrying a grey carrier bag filled with god knows what.

moments later, well, five minutes later he reappeared with a huge grin plastered onto his face, "follow me," he said, rather quietly.

nervously, remus made his way up the staircase, following sirius to the bathroom door, he motioned for remus to open it. slowly, he pushed open the door and his jaw dropped. the bath had been filled with hot, soapy water and was topped with bubbles, several candles were laid across the side of the bathtub and sat on top of the toilet seat by the tub was a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"it's just to apologise really, i'm so-"

but before he could utter another word, remus turned to him and crashed their lips together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have reached the end.
> 
> ...epilogue?


	21. Epilogue

FIVE YEARS LATER

five whole years had passed since then, and remus and sirius were happier than ever. a year after the event in paris, sirius proposed. of course, with much hesitation, remus had said yes and they were now happily married and had been for nearly four years.

sirius' career was sky rocketing and he was now a successful model, remus an author. they had moved into a nice house with three rooms and a back gadren, they had adopted a dog and named it snuffles. 

every morning, remus would wake up and walk snuffles before coming home and making sirius breakfast in bed.

their relationship only got stronger as time went on and they were usually inseparable. their friends had also began to lead an exciting new chapter. james kept with his youtube career but also began to produce music!

and not two years after sirius and remus got married, they announced that lily was pregnant and they planned to get married after the baby was born, remus and sirius were both ecstatic for them.

the baby was named harry and in order to provide for all the baby's needs, they had bought a house too, exactly next door from the other pair. 

along the way, they travelled to many different countries and had many different adventures. slowly, remus had gotten over what had happened in paris and wanted to travel again, they aimed to travel the world atleast once.

over time, they decided they too wanted a child of their own and looked into adoption. but something had cut their plans short.

when remus turned twenty six, he was diagnosed with cancer and was only estimated a maximum of two years left. tearful the event was, sirius made sure these two years would be some of the best moments remus ever had. 

eventually, they had completed their journey of travelling the world, deciding to leave out places they had been before in order to not waste any time, sirius wanted remus to see it all whilst he still could.

"babe..babe?" remus asked one night, sleepy and huddled in his husband's arms, day by day he grew weaker and weaker. colder and colder, though his spirit never dimmed.

"yes my love?"

"when i die-"

"remus you know i hate talking about this, do you have to?" sirius pleaded, he truly hated talking about it as the days drew nearer. 

"yes. now listen, i don't care if you move on but i want you to adopt. i know you have wanted a child for ages, please don't feel like you can't okay? d-don't give me that face sirius..i need you to know no matter what i will always love you, always watching over you and the child you decided to have."

"we. we decided to have. i'll tell them every day how amazing you were, re. how strong you were," tears filled sirius' eyes, the acceptance of his lover's fate now finally washing over him - he was going to lose his remus.

and that night, one year and thirty seven days since his diagnoses, remus passed away, aged twenty seven. 

it took months for sirius to even leave his room in the potter's house. it took even longer for him to return to their place, he was kicking himself. now he knew why remus had said that that night, he knew he was going to die. 

nine months after his passing, sirius fulfilled his promise and adopted a child, for the both of them. it was a small baby, just a few weeks old and finally, for the first time in months, sirius didn't feel so alone.

"hello, teddy remus lupin. i know you'll make your dad proud."

fin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. Anyways, that was that. My first full fic on ao3. Love you all xx


End file.
